What to Means to #LiveUnaddicted
Addiction runs in my family, as it does in most. I dare you to find a family tree that it hasn't bent. My grandmother had what we called, "Problems bigger than herself" that she attempted to solve with painkillers and booze. My brother became consumed by pot when schizophrenia started to take root in his brain.
I drank too much in my late 20s For me, it was part of the work hard, play hard rhythm of New York City I never thought I was an alcoholic, because alcohol didn't control my life. But at times, it was absolutely the center of it. It was at boozy brunches, networking happy hours, wine-fueled dinner parties, and a prerequisite for first dates.
The weird thing is that my problem didn’t start until I began to drink less. I would get in the habit of sharing a bottle of wine with my husband, possibly over a few days. It considerably lowered my once strong tolerance. Every once in a while, I would drink more than usual, but less than I once had, which was suddenly way too much. On those nights out I wanted to indulge with wine and cocktails the way I once had, without getting drunk or massively hung over. Giving up booze completely isn’t something I want to do. But it turns out that drinking in moderation only sometimes isn’t an option.
One of the many things I have learned at Phoenix House is that recovery means different things for different people. Many people struggle and suffer with their particular vice so hard that recovery means never again. With opioids, aka heroin and prescription painkillers, slip ups can be deadly.
Even though I sometimes struggle, I’m really proud of myself for making a commitment to #LiveUnaddicted.